It's been 4 months

...since I've been away from Sydney. I actually thought that it was five months, but counting - Jan to Feb, Feb to March, March to April, April to May - it's only been four months. Yes, it definitely feels longer than that. But let me tell you now that it's been one heck of a ride. I've had the goods and the bads. Times where I gain money, times where I'd lose an insane amount of money for stupid reasons, times where I'd meet fantastic people, times where I feel so threatened that I'm going to die (I'll explain in another blog later on). But yes, overall, it's been the best! Through good and bad! But more good things happen anyway, so I'm definitely thankful.

So much has changed though.

I feel like when I talk to my friends back home, there's either something new happening, some drama of some sort, or everyone's just basically doing the same thing they've always been doing. So I don't know whether I'm missing out on anything or not. And I kinda rather wouldn't want to know because I'm happy where I am. I wouldn't ask for more.

I feel like I've either lost a few friends, drifted from many and gained a closer friendship with those I didn't expect to be close with or just not really close with before I left. It's a weird cycle - friendship. Some friends come and go for certain reasons, reasons they may have made up or just because it's like a seasonal kind of friendship that only happened for a reason by nature. But nonetheless, I've learnt not to care about those who chose to walk away, or those who by choice just don't talk anymore, or just talk when they need something. And loyalty has come a long way since I've been here. I've noticed quite a change in certain people, some in those I never thought would end up like this, but I guess it's either just me causing self inflicted dramas, or just seeing it in a different perspective. Not that that should worry them, because they already know..

Since I've been here, I've learnt to keep so many secrets about myself to myself. I normally would tell someone 'everything' that has happened in my day. It's not that I'm afraid that anyone will judge me, but I guess it's just the kind of things that we should really keep to ourselves. But sometimes when things do happen, I feel like I can't tell anyone anymore, because of how random it will turn out or just the fact that I haven't spoke to many people in so long and to just pop up a random conversation that will lead into a really serious conversation?! It would kind of just feel a bit awkward. But I like the fact that I can keep a handwritten diary nowadays, I can write absolutely anything and everything just for myself, and also stick in those souvenirs in and all that kind of thing. So I'm loving it.

Another thing that I've learnt since I've been here is the kick in the ass by reality. I've only told a small number of friends what my plans are for next year when I come back. But yes, the big hit of reality and 'the real world' when you're all alone (not literally/physically) - just the fact of doing everything for yourself. It hits, and that's why I'm definitely going for another chance in life, just to be better than before. To go out there and do something remarkable and expressive.